1/22/12

Today I'm going to put my own Poetry online, i own it don't even think of stealing it. it my personal thought put so you can read my mind for a day...

"I Swear"

I swear

To you,I never meant to let him die,

It was my loss,It was my heart,

I tried, you say I don't even care,

It matters to me every moment,

In my silence

I swear

We were ok,

Its not fair, I get all the blame,

Though you can't hear me,I scream to you,

I tell myself over and over,It wasn't all me

I swear

I make myself pay every day

I don't want to keep hearing it,

It racks my brain all day,

and bleeds my heart all night

I swear

Back then we were our best,

Remember our time, our fire

Now there's only matches left

and ashes mixed with tears

its sad. I'll post my happiness in the next blog entry

Welcome To Insomnia, Talk To You Soon World, All My Love <3 Emmette

1/15/12

Welcome to my world, lyfe-love war-peace. I'm back again. I want to write a sentence. that fits my love lyfe and my favorite songs for the wounded heart. "i was 'Love Drunk' the 'Teardrops On My Guitar' made me 'Leave Out All The Rest'. i 'Wait For You' but that's 'What Hurts The Most'. 'I Won't Apologize' for 'The Last Night' going 'Back To December'.my 'Wishes' are you haven't 'Forgotten' our 'LastKiss' i'm 'Sorry' i'll 'HoldOn' forever." Thank you music artists who wrote my story. I am in your debt.

Its days like these i ponder what lyfe would have been like if i'd changed a thing or two... like i'd never have made that fatal mistake, or i'd let my feelings out sooner. If only, if only... I had a second chance. It may sound like Romantic drivel to some but I think Taylor says it best...

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

If only, If only*sighs* except the fact for me was...it was August

Sometimes I cry all over again...my heart breaks but all i have is quickfix superglue. I try so hard not to cry but i know i need to heal. its been 5 months.....I'm sorry

All My Heart, All My Love,....Emmette

1/13/12

I told you i wasn't persistent in my blogging *sighs*, so much has gone on lately.its just krazy with a capital"K". seeing old friends, partying up New Years,and missing my Logan so much over these days. its not right for me to leave such a long gaps between posts.I'm going to be on Campus soon, college was looking good for me for a while.i thought i knew what i wanted, but then i got scared i wasn't good enough to pass it. i considered another field but i won't be able to be in the field i enjoy,also i enjoy the second field too but its opposite of the one i want now. i have weird taste. Extreme x Extreme = Disaster? i don't know.on to other subjects...Hmmm guys are....strange.the male population is pretty weird. isn't it true teenage guys gossip more than teenage girls? all i hear is gossip from my second home.but not by all the girls ohhhh no,the guys are chattering, tweeting like bird's about the latest gossip,the new hookups, the new breakups, who's the school slut. pretty messed up the guys chitter together more than the girls. who carries all this gossip? the guys they spread it faster than fire....speaking of gossip I've been on the hit list as of late. apparently every guy and their cousin knows when I'm in town. its kindof creepy.i miss when we females were the busybodies. now the guys are, gets much more twisted that way :P

New Years is a krazy time. all these resolutions no one follows, all the drunks driving late at night, all the people acting like idiots, its really sad. but there can also be good on a night like New Years spending time with close friends wondering how our new year will be, what things we plan to do over 2012, graduation, Prom, and lyfe. when your 17 all you think about is graduating, high school relationships, sports, gossip, getting your licence, having a car, and growing up.we grow up to fast, our generation ladies and gentlemen is..."The Fast,The Forgotten, and the Free" the older i get the more i realize that the world is getting more n more insane. guys being less n less mature, girls taking less n less responsibility.our generation is getting lazier and lazier.believe it or not all we do is tap our iPhones, play our computers, watch our TVs, play our xboxs,and be on our social networks. I'm not one to talk because i do all these things. but i realize i can live without them. its hard going without iPhones and social networks in this day n age because almost everything is digital. going without these things for a week is like going "cold turkey"for some people, because of the dependency on all things electronic. even books and board games have gone digital. Kindle and online Checkers. i like a good book. i like turning every page.its an accomplishment to read a 700 page book, because everyone else won't take the time to do even that.they don't even turn a page its digitally flipped for them. how lazy can we be? staring at a screen and staring at a page are two very different things.

Welcome To Insomnia, Talk To You Soon World, All My Love Emmette